02.14.02 - 6:20 a.m. - mick jagger had this same exact problem.

i hate math. for years i wanted to use a nailgun on a very specific part of my head and bring a note to school from my mom saying "please excuse my son from math, he has sustained brain damage." but then the movie Pi came and that bit was taken from me.

it would be weird to get temporary brain damage like a passing cold.

and ... it's 6 hours into v-day. kevin calls it VD. it's a silly day but that doesn't prevent it from making me feel bad.

so ...

i don't know how to explain why she broke up with me. i'm sitting on her bed like usual and suddenly i'm walking home in the sunny cold.

i think it has to do with her entry on depression. i've become one of those sad kids she says this about:

"Theres no reason to be sad because it doesn't do anything for you, just pushes ppl away."

things just kept getting complicated and more complicated, and i couldn't handle it and broke down all the time. falling apart doesn't do good for anyone, but it's so easy to do. i guess i couldn't expect her to live with me being as sorry as that.

i'm worried about what comes next. i don't have anyone to talk to anymore (because she made it pretty clear when she didn't say anything after i asked about the 'will we be friends' thing) and i think that she's right and i do push people away. so what gives? why the fuck do i do this to myself?

i keep listening to The Starting Line - Three's a Charm and a lot of New Found Glory.

i think that there is much more to come, and i'm looking forward to it, because it means today will be over.

troz - diaryland - zort